I’m not plagued by perfectionism, I’m plagued by exceptionalism.

📸 by Phil Marzouk ~ An image of me overwhelmed by exceptionalism and beautifully immersed in the Novus Textura public art installation in downtown Calgary. The Latin translation for the work is “a new texture.”

A few Mondays ago, I was talking to my therapist and she asked me “what would it feel like to not have to be exceptional in your career?”

I thought about it for a moment and answered:

“I can breathe”

And this got me thinking … I so often hear people talk about “perfectionism” as a barrier in their progression — but for many years I haven’t resonated with that.

I’m not afraid to make typos.
I’m not afraid to put out content.
I’m not afraid to make mistakes.

Mistakes = humanity

But until that Monday, I didn’t realize that I am afraid to be ordinary.

Normal.
Average.
Content.

Part of me wonders if this is the trauma-informed evolution of perfectionism, and the newest plague of the younger generations (Millenials, Z’s & Alphas)?

If our parents had to be perfect, we have to be exceptional.

To be extraordinary in an ordinary world.

How would you feel if you didn’t have to excel in your career?
Be the superstar?
Be exceptional?

(Notice what happens in your body when you ask yourself that question)

Would it change the type of career you’d pursue?

I have many more thoughts on this but today I’ll leave it here 🙇🏼‍♀️

Article FAQs generated by Chat GPT:
1. What does "exceptionalism" mean to and how is it different from perfectionism in practice or mindset?
Exceptionalism is the belief that one must stand out in everything they do—that their work, their choices, and even their identity need to be extraordinary to have value. It’s less about avoiding flaws (as perfectionism is) and more about striving to be unmatched or remarkable in all areas. While perfectionism focuses on the fear of failure or imperfection, exceptionalism focuses on the fear of mediocrity or invisibility. Perfectionism says, "Don't make a mistake," while exceptionalism says, "Don't be forgettable."

2. Why might exceptionalism be a trauma-informed evolution of perfectionism, and how might it be influencing younger generations differently?
Exceptionalism has emerged as a survival response to societal and generational pressures. For many Millennials, Z’s, and Alphas, the world they’ve grown up in is hypercompetitive, digital, and performance-driven. Social media constantly amplifies the extraordinary—celebrating “once-in-a-lifetime” achievements and 24/7 hustle culture. Add to that generational trauma, like economic instability or unmet parental expectations, and exceptionalism becomes a coping mechanism to feel seen, valued, or safe.

If perfectionism was rooted in their parents’ need for control or approval in rigid systems (like workplaces or family roles), exceptionalism feels like a rebellion that still carries the same chains—it says, “I will break free from these systems by being so unique and exceptional that no one can ignore me.” For younger generations, this mindset can create burnout, disillusionment, and constant dissatisfaction with simply being.

3. What insights or strategies can help someone begin to release the need to be exceptional and embrace ordinariness?
Releasing exceptionalism begins with reframing what “ordinary” really means. Ordinariness doesn’t have to equate to insignificance; it can signify contentment, grounding, and connection to the rhythms of life. Here are a few strategies:

• Notice and name the feeling: When you feel the pull to be exceptional, pause and ask, “What am I seeking right now? Approval? Recognition? Safety?” Becoming aware of your motivations is the first step.

• Practice being present: Engage fully in moments that don’t require performance—spending time with loved ones, engaging in a hobby, or even being in nature. Let the absence of achievement feel safe and nourishing.

• Redefine value: Shift your mindset from “What have I achieved?” to “What have I experienced, felt, or contributed?” Your worth is not tied to your accomplishments.

• Explore your body’s reaction: As mentioned in the post, notice how your body feels when you consider not being exceptional. Work with those feelings—whether through therapy, mindfulness, or journaling—to unpack what’s beneath them.

• Seek models of ordinariness: Look for examples of people who live fulfilled, meaningful lives without constantly striving for more.

The most significant shift might come from realizing that being "ordinary" is where most of life’s beauty resides—connection, kindness, and the freedom to simply be.