Under My Own Wing

🎨 Collage: Justine Anweiler, UMOW, 2025.

I started working with Internal Family Systems (IFS) at the end of last year.

A therapeutic practice and modality (by Dr. Richard Schwartz) that I detail in my latest newsletter, Longevity Elixirs. If you want to read it — comment below or DM me and I’ll send it to you.

But let’s get down to it!

IFS (in a nutshell) is built on the concept that we are all made up of many parts, sometimes called sub-personalities that were formed during our developmental years and/or from traumatic events over our lifetime. The practice involves unbending them from one another, meeting those parts, and building relationships with them. By consistently tending to our parts in a regulated state, we build trust and eventually have them release their responsibilities to our adult selves.

The ultimate goal: we move through life as a present-day adult with Self wisdom.

The most drastic change that has happened since I started tending daily to my younger parts is my disinterest in wanting to be absorbed into other people’s businesses.

Now let me explain . . .

For most of my adult life I had this thing . . . where when I met someone interesting, accomplished, or impressive – I desperately wanted to be brought into their world. Like orphan Annie looking for her Daddy Warbucks.

I’m not talking about money, I’m talking about being in their responsibility.

Meaning when I worked for companies I so badly wanted someone to see my potential and carry me up the corporate career ladder.

When I worked with clients, I wanted them to see something in me that made them choose me. Take me under their wing and teach me everything they know. Mentor me.

I thought this was normal.

I learned a few weeks ago from Sarah Baldwin that when we have younger parts (inner children) in need of reparenting they are exhaustively searching for people who can take care of us.

Be responsible for us – protect us, see our worth, and reward us.

And more often than not, we outsource this role to our teachers, our employers, our romantic partners, and our friends. In my case, it was in my career.

So although I haven’t thoroughly explained what IFS is—trust me when I say that it is the simplest and most accessible modality I have tested that reparents your inner children and/or subconscious.

My results are this:
* All of me believes in me.
* I am the source of my security and validation.
* I am under my own wing 🪽🙇🏼‍♀️

Article FAQs generated by AI:
1. What challenges did you face when transitioning from seeking external validation to becoming your own source of security?
The biggest challenge was unlearning the deeply ingrained belief that my worth was tied to how others perceived me. Letting go of the desire to be chosen or mentored felt like stepping into uncertainty without a safety net. At first, it was uncomfortable—I questioned whether I was making the right decision and sometimes felt isolated. However, by consistently practicing IFS and recognizing the patterns of my younger parts, I was able to self-soothe, reframe my fears, and gradually build confidence in my own authority.

2. How can someone new to Internal Family Systems (IFS) start practicing it in their daily life?
Email me for the Longevity Elixirs January 2025 newsletter because it contains links and resources for IFS. These resources will help you to start observing your inner dialogue and noticing when different "parts" of you show up—especially during moments of stress, insecurity, or frustration. Begin by identifying and naming these parts (e.g., “the perfectionist,” “the people-pleaser,” “the protector”) and get curious about their roles. Journaling, guided meditations, and working with an IFS-trained therapist can help deepen the process. The key is to build a relationship with these parts rather than trying to suppress or control them. Over time, this creates inner harmony and self-trust.

3. How has this personal transformation changed your approach to collaboration and leadership in your work?
I’m less inclined to overcommit or seek approval and more focused on contributing in ways that align with my vision and values. Collaboration feels more reciprocal rather than dependent, and leadership feels more self-assured because I trust my own judgment. This shift has also made it easier to set boundaries, choose projects intentionally, and recognize my own worth without needing external reinforcement.

4. Can you tell me, briefly, a little more about IFS?
Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a therapeutic model developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz that views the mind as made up of multiple sub-personalities or "parts," each with its own perspective and role. These parts often form as a response to past experiences, especially trauma, and can take on protective or wounded roles. The goal of IFS is to create harmony between these parts by cultivating a relationship with the core Self—an inherently wise, compassionate, and healing presence within each person.

5. Why is IFS gaining popularity?
Its rise reflects a broader cultural shift toward self-compassion, emotional intelligence, and holistic healing. Firstly, it takes a trauma-informed approach as IFS aligns with growing awareness of trauma and nervous system regulation in therapy, making it a valuable tool for deep healing. Secondly, it is accessible & non-pathologizing. Unlike traditional models that label behaviours as disorders, IFS views all parts as inherently good, reducing shame and stigma. Lastly, it’s backed by science and the research is increasingly supporting IFS’s effectiveness in treating PTSD, anxiety, and depression, further fueling its adoption.