Let’s celebrate leaving your job!

Image: Evan’s Starbucks Era Over, 2024.

I pride myself on being the friend you call when you leave your job or life partnership.

I don’t love celebrating the things in life everybody celebrates. Usually, it’s a new beginning. Something people fall over themselves to congratulate you on. The ones that make us look good to publicly support.

I do fun in the face of serious life choices. The ones that take us years to arrive at.

The kind of decisions where, when we share them with loved ones we are met with:

🗣️ “But you’re the lucky one”
🗣️ “There aren’t that many good options out there anymore”
🗣️ “The market is really tough”
🗣️ “It takes a REALLY long time to find another”

These are the stock answers that keep us miserable.

The voices that squash the whisper of our intuition that suggests there’s something better for us . . . waiting.

She’s shown you something different.
A new vision.
A new way of being.
A possibility.

Yet still, we grapple.

We spend countless nights in the tug-of-war.

We talk ourselves into showing up, day after day, for something that no longer serves us. And we beat ourselves up for not being able to make it work anymore.

🦋 We don't want the judgment of “you gave up”
🦋 When in truth, we grew up.

These are the choices others can’t support because it would mean looking at the areas in their own life where they resist change.

There is no greater privilege (imo) than being the celebrant of an ending. We don’t jump to the possibilities of a new beginning. We simply stay in the moment of what it feels like to complete something.

On Thursday night we gathered to celebrate Evan’s 10-year completion at Starbucks. It was a small gathering of four, and when asked why it was so important to me that we gather, I said:

“Because it gives us all an opportunity to celebrate the moments in our own lives when we made the hard choice and no one brought us a cake or a unicorn crown. Today we celebrate all of us. We merge the timelines of then and now. And we celebrate together.”

💖 May we continue to make hard choices.
💖 May we choose the voice we've squashed for too long.
💖 And may we always have friends who celebrate us for it.

Article FAQs generated by Chat GPT:
1. Why do you think society struggles to celebrate endings or hard choices, and how can we normalize honoring these moments?
Society struggles because endings challenge our cultural obsession with progress and productivity. We’re taught to celebrate milestones that symbolize external success—new jobs, engagements, promotions—because they’re easier to understand and socially acceptable. Endings, however, often feel messy or uncomfortable, reminding others of their unresolved areas of dissatisfaction or fear of change. To normalize honoring endings, we need to shift the narrative. This means treating closures as moments of growth and courage, creating intentional spaces to reflect on what’s being left behind, and recognizing the emotional and spiritual labor it takes to make hard decisions.

2. How do you support someone through the transition of leaving a job or relationship, and what does being a "celebrant of an ending" look like in practice?
Supporting someone starts with active listening. Rather than trying to cheer them up or offer advice, I validate their feelings—whether it’s grief, relief, or a mix of both. I remind them that choosing to leave something behind is an act of bravery. Being a “celebrant of an ending” means creating rituals to honor the closure. It could be as simple as a dinner where we reflect on their journey, a toast to their growth, or even a symbolic act, like writing down what they’re letting go of and burning it. It’s about helping them feel seen in their transition, acknowledging what they’ve accomplished and the strength it took to move forward.

3. What advice would one give to someone grappling with the fear of judgment or uncertainty when considering a significant life change?
Fear of judgment often reflects societal conditioning that equates staying with stability and leaving with failure. Instead, connect deeply with your intuition—that whisper inside you that knows when it’s time to let go. Recognize that your growth doesn’t need external validation; it’s for you. Surround yourself with people who value your authenticity over your adherence to expectations. And finally, trust that honoring your truth is an act of self-respect, even if others can’t understand or support it in the moment. Their judgment reflects their own fears, not your worth or wisdom.